


The Fuck-It List

by soccermom_max



Series: for a moment, the world came back to life [4]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Bucket List, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Therapy, hi ri, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-06
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-15 15:42:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28566399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soccermom_max/pseuds/soccermom_max
Summary: "I'm not sure this will be as relaxing as you think it will." Bucky says, re-reading the bucket list he handed in to his therapist. "Also, I think the first one is pretty unattainable." Tony had given it as a stupid example and Bucky hadn't wanted to put more effort into this than he had to."Just give it through the end of the year, James," She insists. "Remember, they can all be up to interpretation."
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Series: for a moment, the world came back to life [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1802788
Comments: 1
Kudos: 16





	1. Prologue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky has a conversation with his therapist, Khana.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi welcome 2 my fic im max
> 
> ps. i don't have a therapist so if this is inaccurate pls tell me,,

"I'm not sure this will be as relaxing as you think it will." Bucky says, re-reading the bucket list he handed in to his therapist. "Also, I think the first one is pretty unattainable." Tony had given it as a stupid example and Bucky hadn't wanted to put more effort into this than he had to.

"Just give it through the end of the year, James," She insists. "Remember, they can all be up to interpretation."

"Khana, I don't think I'm going to meet the queen."

She shrugs. "Could be a drag queen. Or one of the members of the band, Queen. Like I said, it's how you look at it." He doesn't look up from the paper. She sighs. "James, I know this has been hard for you. But Steve, Shuri, all of us who know you are so proud of how far you've come in the past three years. This is just a way to push yourself a little more, and maybe learn that it's okay to want things for yourself too."

“Oh, trust me, I do.” He mutters under his breath. She sighs again. 

“Beyond just sex, James. I understand you wouldn’t let Stevesee it?” She inquires, gesturing towards his list.

“Not yet.” He responds. “I know it’s not extremely personal since Bruce and Tony helped me, but it still feels... I don’t know. Like it’s something I did without his help for once.” 

She nods understandingly, “I see.” 

“So on visiting a new country, do you think it should just be the ones I remember? Because that list is a lot shorter than the other one.”

Khana holds her chin between her index and thumb, her elbow resting on the armrest of her cushiony recliner. “Usually I would let you decide that for yourself, but because bucket lists are generally used for new or better experiences, I’d say to go to a country that you don’t remember having been to.”

“So not England or France.”

“Right. Unless you really wanted to, of course, but I seem to remember you mentioning... New Zealand?” Bucky nods. 

“I never had the chance to go before... you know. And I never went back when I was on the run either.”

“Well, now’s your chance. An excuse, if you wanted it to be.” She winks at him. 

“Thank you”

“Of course, James. It’s what I’m here for.” Their hour is up. 

He’s got some memories to make. 


	2. Meet the Queen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky's first game night with the whole avengers family in which he meets Thor and Val for the first time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think i broke my brain trying to make this more than 100 words long. tell my story. -max

Bucky thinks Steve has a hard time remembering that he hasn't met all the Avengers yet. He's met Bruce enough to know that the man despises monopoly. He's only ever seen Clint once or twice. So. Case in point. Also, he thinks Steve has forgotten that Bucky has only been back in America for a total of 18 hours. And maybe also the fact that that is a _literal fucking god_ (or two) standing in front of them. In the communal living room. Thor. Valkyrie. Whatever. Damn.

"-and this is my boyfriend, Bucky." Steve finishes. 

"Hello, Bucky!" Thor greets.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Steve's Boyfriend Bucky." The goddess, Val, says in a tone that suggests teasing, but Bucky has a feeling that's just the way she always talks. She sticks her hand out towards him, and he takes it with half a mind wondering about his grasp.

"Back atcha." He responds lamely as she takes her seat between Thor and Nat. Nat looks Val over before making eye contact with Bucky and winking. Uh oh.

"I'd forgotten how your taxis function! I think the driver might have taken the longest route known to man!" Thor bellows in that way that Steve has said he has.

"Hey, well, I offered you a car. So who's fault is that?" Tony says. He's also shuffling the Uno cards. Why are they playing _Uno_? He understands that it's game night since everyone is in New York right now, but Uno? Why not monopoly? Bucky tells himself that this issue will need to be brought up very, very soon.

"Loki said long taxi rides were part of the experience," explains Val, "And besides, after ubering in from the coast last night, the taxi ride was blissfully short." Bucky looks down at the hand Tony just dealt him. Bruce, Clint, and Peter taught him Uno a few weeks back when he flew in for the weekend with Shuri. Then they tried to explain flip uno, and Bucky had to put an end to that very fast. Again, why _Uno?_

"Are we doing stacks and jump-ins?" Bruce asks the table. Bucky looks at Tony and Peter, because they're bound to be the only ones to have an opinion.

"I think we should consider monopoly one last time." Bucky kindly suggests. Everyone groans their disagreement. 

They end up doing stacks and jump-ins.

* * *

They're back in the apartment Tony had set aside for Steve back in 2012 two days after game night. Steve is in the master bath brushing his teeth while Bucky is pouring over the list his therapist had him write. It was probably in bad taste to put unattainable things like 'see the Olympics in person' or 'eat at a cheesecake factory' or 'meet the queen.' Especially since factories where cheesecake is manufactured probably don't exist, but he's heard Nat talk about eating at one, so there's that. 

"Is that the infamous list you were stressing over?" Steve asks, his weight denting into the bed beside Bucky. Bucky nods. Bruce and Tony had helped him write it, but at the time it felt too personal to show Steve. Now he leans in closer, putting his head on Steve's shoulder as he mulls over the scrap of paper in his hands. 

"I think you can mark off meeting a queen." Steve says. Bucky, previously distracted by the big hand settled on his lower back, sits up straighter. 

"What do you mean?"

"Valkyrie," Steve says, like Bucky is supposed to know what he means. "She's the queen of Asgard."

Bucky blinks. "I'm sorry. Repeat that?"

"She's the-"

"Shut up." Bucky holds a hand, staring at their open bedroom door. "I need a second." Steve sits next to him obediently, amusement sparkling in his eyes. After a minute, Bucky abruptly faces him. "You made me meet the queen of Asgard looking like _this?"_ He gestures to his ratty old 49ers hoody and black nike sweats. 

"I thought you looked hot."

"You always think I look hot. I mean, I am, but really, Stevie?" He shakes his head, grinning. "Where's my fucking notebook. Khala's gonna love this."

After he's done writing it down, he sets his notebook and pen to the side. "Stevie," He tilts his head up, expecting something.

Steve catches his lips and crowds Bucky's space. Bucky wouldn't change a thing.

* * *

"That's a very loose interpretation, but I dig it." Khala says when he tells her about the very first thing he crossed off his list.

"Khala, I think we should just take a step back and appreciate that I didn't say fuck it and use last weeks wasp nest encounter."

"That is progress, yes," Khala agrees, nodding sagely. "How was meeting her? You've told me what happened, but what was she like?"

"She's a fucking monster at monopoly," Bucky says, and the rest of their session carries on as normal.


	3. See the Northern Lights (Again?)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk how to explain the logic behind this but baguettes are the most useless food item i have EVER seen. u cant change my mind on this. bee tee dubs updates on this are once a month!

"You're planning a trip to Norway soon, aren't you?" The way Nat brings it up at their game night is casual, but the way Bruce glares at her is enough for Bucky to know that something is underlying her statement. 

"We're not highschoolers, Natasha. If he wanted to talk about his sex life to the classroom, he would have done it." Tony says. "Speaking of which, Pep-"

"Place and time, Tony." Pepper states from the kitchen where she and Steve are making pizza rolls and lemonade. Bucky licks his lips. He fucking _loves_ pizza rolls.

* * *

“Bucky, wake up, I want you to see this.” Someone is saying from beside him. Something touches his shoulder. “Bucky, wake up.” A hand on his bicep. Bucky jerks awake, sitting straight up and almost knocking his forehead against Bruce’s. He remembers: they’re in Norway visiting the Asgardians. It's just the two of them because Bucky would never turn down the opportunity for Mario Kart with Thor.

“What’s it?” Bucky asks intelligently, still half asleep.

“Have you ever seen the Aurora Borealis?”

“The huh?”

Bruce sighs in place of an answer. “It’s outside. Come on.” Bucky stands fluidly, shrugging on the coat he’d thrown onto the foot of Thor’s futon before crashing the night before. (He knows he’s exhausted when he falls asleep at all in uncharted territory.) (Long trip.) _(_ _Shit, what time even is it?)_

He sees that it's still dark out when he and Bruce make their way out the front door, the moon high in the sky and surrounded by faint green stripes. Bruce keeps walking down the street, out to the docks where Thor and his roommates are sitting on the edge, feet dangling over the water. Bruce crosses his legs into a sitting position next to Thor and Bucky follows his lead on Bruce's other side.

Bucky stares, in awe. Bruce stares right along with him. "I can't remember ever having the time to appreciate this." He admits to the group. 

"I don't think we take the time to properly appreciate it anymore, either." The guy made of rocks, Korg (?) states in agreement. 

Part of Bucky wishes he could show this to Steve, but Steve has a Thing about the cold, so Bucky's poor descriptions and Google will have to suffice. 

The others leave within the hour, but Bucky stays until they fade completely into the night sky and dawn rises on the horizon. He hasn't gotten much sleep, and yet he hasn't felt more awake in years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yo dawg i struggled with this rip my brain


End file.
